Just Life: Leading

Today I had a very unique opportunity, I was invited back to a middle school where last year as Miss Wisconsin USA I presented my ‘Sky’s the Limit’ program. Now, granted I gave up the crown 6 months ago, they still wanted me to come and this time around I discovered it was very different. It was a reminder to me what the saying ‘Always wear your invisible crown.’ really means.  It was a reminder to me that people watch, pay attention and living to inspire is sometimes not a conscious choice but it should be.

The same middle school girls who maybe knew a little about the Miss USA program and a little about me last year, knew everything about me this time around. They had all been glued to their TV’s last May and well before watching every post and picture. They all continue to follow my life journey. They watched the recent NYFW show online, they followed my Insta Stories on my recent trip to Disney. They watch, they listen and they care. And that my friends is an overwhelming thing to think about. So today I had to ask myself the hard questions. Am I worth caring about? Someday when I have a child, would I want them to look up to someone like me?

The answer is difficult, because I know I am not perfect. I know that I have been struggling to engage in college and just desperately want it to be done. I know that I have off days and am crabby, lately they seem to have multiplied.  I question things I shouldn’t and worry about, things I can’t control. I know that my confidence has wavered more than it should recently. I know that as a human being I have a lot of room to grow.

I am not perfect, but I am always myself.

All of that being said today I had to opportunity to talk to a group about leadership and was simply reminded being a leader isn’t about being perfect. It is about making choices you are proud of, working hard, encouraging people and living a life that brings others joy. It is about sharing yourself in the most authentic and genuine way possible. It is about admitting your flaws and accepting them. It is about working continuously to make yourself and those around you better. It is OK to question everything, but leaders have faith in their abilities and faith that it will all work out.

I love that I had this opportunity today, not for that leadership group but for myself. It was the motivation I needed to remind myself of the things I already know.  My pageant days are over but I hope to live a life that continues to inspire and I hope that my words will be able to have an impact on these amazing students!

Please read my other blogs for middle school students, this is my favorite age group to write about:

Just Life:Being Respected

Just Life: A Letter to My 10 year old self

Just Life: Mean Girls and Middle School

Just Life: Instagram vs. Reality

 

Dream Big,

Skylar

 

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Just Life: Have Room

The past few months have been a whirlwind. I joined a Student Org, have been working a part-time communications position, traveling (more than ever), modeling, and continuing to be involved in “pageant-land” (in a much less bikini-on-live-TV kind of way). Oh, and I am taking 6 courses at UW-Madison! Whew!

I often get asked “how do you do it”? This question is a really multi-layered one, much of my energy comes from loving what I do, but I think the main motivation behind keeping myself moving is allowing myself to have room for the good, the bad, and every little thing in between.

Have room…

To fail. I am one of the biggest perfectionists you will meet, I always want to give 110% to everything I do and lately that “everything” has turned into the most magical yet overwhelming mix of things. My biggest successes in life have come from moments of “failure”, or missed opportunities.

Have room…

For weakness. With the world so full of blessings, it’s OK that your soul (or smile) doesn’t shine it’s brightest every single day. Take a break, cry, call your mom. Recent conversations with my Miss USA sisters have reminded me that everyone experiences moments of weakness or self-doubt, and each person experiences those feelings in different ways. Just because you have a moment of weakness does not mean that you are weak.

Have room…

For other people’s successes. THIS IS A BIG ONE, and probably the most important. I’m going to relate this to pageantry, however I feel the lesson is applicable always. When the crown is placed on another woman’s head, it can feel so easy to go into a negative place. Why wasn’t it me? Why was it her? I worked so hard, I deserve this. Change your narrative! Share in the excitement, feel honored to have had the chance to share in another woman’s success, and remember that everything happens for a reason. Jealousy is so ugly, and can cause for a heavy weight to be carried around. Have room for more successes than just your own.

Have room…

To enjoy your life. Put your phone down, grab your BFF and have a girls night! I have been making a habit of making sure I set aside one night every week to “just relax”. It involves me doing a bit of extra work every other day, but it is so worth it when you spend a night, stress free, at a comedy show with your best girl, or get to do sheet masks with your momma! Find time to make time to enjoy being present!

Your mental health is EVERYTHING! With everything going on lately, I have found that the one way I keep myself most “sane” is to allow myself ALL the emotions, even if they involve tears. Have room to feel overwhelmed, but above all have room to be happy!

Dream Big,

Skylar

Just Life: A Letter to my 10 Year Old Self

Dear Sky,

As hard as it is to understand right now, your mom is right when she says it gets better. It doesn’t get better because people get nicer, it gets better because you become stronger.

There will always be people who tear you down because you are different or your dreams are too unique, too out of the norm or too big. You may be mocked for the things you wear or the passions that you have, people fear things that they do not know. Do not let other people’s ignorance allow you to change who you are or who you want to be.

It’s easy to fall under the influence of the “mean girls” or become a follower to avoid that feeling of being “different” or “unworthy”. Having the strength to be the one girl who advocates for your friend being bullied may not serve you well in the short term, but in the long run it will build the kind of character that will take you very far in life. Have the strength to be unapologetically yourself, the best example of this has been and will always be your little brother. The one who wore an eyepatch and pirate hat for school pictures – and who will go on to have the greatest sock collection you have ever seen. 

True friends are difficult to find. It’s okay if your greatest friend is your mom, she’s a trusty sidekick anyway. Don’t get down on yourself if you’re home alone on a Friday and not at the “cool girl” sleepover, I promise you that you’re not missing out on anything. The truest friends you will find will come later in life. They are the people that support you when you dive head first into life and often times will jump right in with you! 

Be kind. At points, this will prove to be the most difficult of any challenge you encounter. It’s easy to want to fight back, to fight hurtful words with equally as hurtful words. But what is it worth? Take the high road. When someone insists on talking ill of you, don’t do the same, prove your worth by continuing to be positive, to be kind and to be driven by your own light. People will see you for who you show them you are, not who people claim that you are. Hold true to this in every aspect of your life. *As I always told middle-schoolers this philosophy holds true on Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram too,* remain kind in the face of negativity, don’t respond, you don’t have to.  This is always true, even when it doesn’t feel like it is. You will look back and be proud of the choices you made.

More than anything, never give up on yourself. There will be moments when you want to throw in the towel on what seem like the craziest of dreams or your future which at 10 seems like an eternity away. Set those goals high and make them happen. You will never regret working hard and getting a “no”, but you will always regret giving up and never taking the chance.

Dream Big,

Skylar

Pageant Life: Post-Pageant Blues

Everything I write is happy, happy, positive, but guess what life isn’t always happy, happy, positive…even mine. It’s amazing but I have my days, my weeks, my months and even my years (sorry Friends fan) Every pageant girl out there has gone through the PPBs Post-Pageant Blues, sometimes it happens after a state pageant, sometimes after a biggie like Miss USA, but we all face it and if you don’t think it will happen to you prepare yourself.

I am digging myself out of it as we speak.  People will always jump to the conclusion that you are upset or sad that you didn’t win or place….always. But for most of us it has nothing to do with the outcome, it has to do with coming off of the high. Just over two months ago I was coming from this place of total mind, body and soul preparation.  Ever inch of my being was humming in perfect unison.  Not only did my butt look fantastic, but I could answer any question you threw at me from my thoughts on government funding of Planned Parenthood to my favorite flavor of ice cream, and everything in between.  PEAK pageant performance.  I had spent months investing in not clothes or make-up but in myself  in preparation for the big show.  And honestly all the time was worth the investment. I am a different person because of it!

Now on top of all of that, throw me in a place for 11 days with 50 literally amazing humans who have all been doing the same thing, who all have perfect butts and brilliant banter and you have now entered this alternative universe and that place is hard to leave. Everyone imagines Miss USA is this cut-throat, competitive experience where everyone pretends to get along but the minute interviews and prelims begin the gloves come off and the claws come out….hahaha someone actually told me that before I went. But guess what, the opposite usually happens, by the time prelims hit you have found your pageant soul mates and you cheer for each other; HONEST TO GOD.  You become completely protective of your new family, when the crowning is done and they whisk away the new queen talk turns to your wishes and hopes that she has an amazing year…then everyone stands on-stage and  the reality hits you…IT’S OVER!  Tomorrow or even that very night everyone will once again go their separate ways and you have to hope that you can reconvene at reunions, other pageants and maybe if you stumble into the state where they live. And the weeks and months pass and you miss them.

That’s phase one.

Then there is phase two….your mind goes insane….”I don’t have to do two-a-day workouts, I’m in Vegas and they have infinite pizza and buffets, when I get back to Wisconsin I’m getting Culver’s…..all of Culver’s, everything they make at Culver’s! Thank God I can stop with the hours of  FOX News and CNN coverage to try to get a full and realistic view of every single thing happening in every corner of the world. I’m shutting off for a bit, and when I’m ready I will turn back on.”

Everyone goes a little crazy after the pageant, again if you don’t think you will be this girl, prepare yourself. I have finally quelled my need to experience all of the things I had been missing, at the expense of the butt, my belly, the thighs and every other part of my body that has gone into a little bit of shock. I have started to pay attention again to the things I’m passionate about happening in the world and want to follow, everything else will be handled by a daily look at ‘The Skimm’.  Yesterday I went to the gym……I didn’t recognize the front desk attendant……uffda….it has been a long time.  I’m slowly finding my way back to me. Will she ever be the sculpted, news junkie who made her way to Miss USA, probably not?!?! But she will be a better version of who she was before this journey began and she will have some of the coolest, most insanely beautiful long-distance friends…..YEP she will and she does.

Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened……blah, blah, blah……it’s OK….YOU CAN CRY BECAUSE IT’S OVER, just know when it’s time to stop whining and get back to what’s important.

Also don’t get me wrong, I’m not actually sad, down-and-out or going through real depression….I’m loving my life. One part is over but a million other things are just beginning. I have thoroughly enjoyed hitting up the Culver’s and experiencing a million life events that could only happen after Miss USA.  But every once in a while the pangs of PPB flair up…..and there is no remedy.  It happened, it’s over……accepting it….slowly!

Dream Big, Skylar

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Just Life: Grounded

Someone the other day asked me the “secret” to staying true to myself, even when the world around me is moving so quickly. Even when you are just weeks away from the ‘big show’.   I don’t know if I have a secret, but I do have some methods.

Say thank you:  This is the most important and quite frankly the easiest. Never stop saying thank you and never stop being grateful. Thank the woman who is giving you your morning coffee, something that keeps you running through the day. Thank your parents, let them know that you appreciate them and all they do for you. Thank the people who put up with your madness, my roomie Sav fits this bill. Right now I find myself thanking sponsors and my directors on almost a daily basis for giving me the opportunity of a lifetime. Never forget to say THANK YOU!

Remember the struggles: This year I have chosen to talk to middle school students, because frankly it was the most difficult and uncertain time of my life. For almost everyone it was the period in life when you lose the idealism of your elementary school days and start to realize that it is a lot harder to become Hannah Montana than one would think. All our crazy dreams start to get beat down, the awkwardness and growing pains means everyone becomes competitive, girls and boys forget how to speak to one another and support each other and all of the reality of life starts to set in. It is the time when most kids stop with the big dreams and they start to look like fairytales; unachievable and ridiculous.  Add to that literal growing-up, the braces, the bullying and in my particular case  dealing with actual life….My entire middle school experience included living with and watching my grandmother slowly lose her battle with cancer. REALITY SUCKS. Don’t forget the struggle, don’t forget how it felt when your life was less than perfect, don’t forget what made you, YOU! Embrace it because it will keep you focused on your dreams.

Set achievable goals and then make it happen: This one is near and dear to my heart. This year I did not set out to “Become Miss USA or even to walk in New York Fashion Week” two monumental goals that frankly I have no actual control over. Judges will decide if I am the right woman for the job on May 14th and a designer had to pick me from thousands of model hopefuls. But I did set achievable goals to prepare myself for these things to happen. My physical preparation is all on me. Everyday getting up, hitting the gym, eating clean, all the trainers in the world can’t make your body ready for a competition or to walk a runway… if you don’t do the work. A series of small fitness goals and a plan that is achievable and realistic. Building a modeling portfolio and network of industry professionals all done with a series of small, systematic goals. I did set a goal of being the best Miss Wisconsin USA once I was crowned. For me that meant making a lot of appearances, promoting my state, promoting my #skysthelimit philosophy to every school that would let me in the door, promoting the Miss Universe Organization and just working really hard all day, every single day for the 365 days I am fortunate enough to wear the crown and sash.  This method works for almost all big dreams. Break it down and make it happen.

Just recently I watched film of JJ Watt (NFL rock star and Wisconsinite) returning to thank his 4th grade teacher for believing in his Badger/NFL dreams.  Even in 4th grade JJ knew his end goal but to get there every day he worked on the small things, every day focused and committed. Plus, he never lost sight of the people who helped make it happen, and even at the height of his career is gracious and thankful!

Don’t let anyone else define you: The hardest of all my suggestions…really hard when you are 13-18 years old, still hard when you are an adult. I am currently putting myself in the position to be ‘judged’ by the world. The harshest kind of judgment, the kind that will come in a bikini, in front of a LOT of people. The kind that will come with such quotes from viewers at home and even online like, “Oh Wisconsin is hideous!” “Not my pick” “Hate that girl” seriously those things will be said about not just me but every contestant by someone somewhere in the world. But here is my reality….NO ONE ELSE DEFINES ME! No ones judgment of me on a single day or in a single moment will be the foundation for how I live my life or the goals I am able to accomplish. This whole experience is a drop in the bucket of my life.

My middle school visits almost always circle to this place where a sweet girl or boy connects with me afterward and talks about someone mistreating them. And we almost always have a discussion about not allowing someone to define you. No one is allowed to tell you your dreams are too big, your passions, your ability to achieve, no one knows what is in your heart and no one has the right to take what is away from you.

This is how through the craziness and through what I will likely remember as some pretty big defining moments in my life, I have never lost sight of Skylar Witte. The girl, the middle school girl uncertain, scared and sad…the woman walking the runway in New York, same person….always stay grounded in who you are.

Dream Big, Skylar

New York Fashion Week February 2017

 

 

Just Life: Being Respected

I recently had the most real conversation of my reign as Miss Wisconsin USA with two girls who must have been in the 7th or 8th grade. I was visiting a middle school to give one of my usual presentations about setting goals, living your dreams and choosing to be positive at an age where bullying just seems easier. Afterwards, in the lunch room these two bright-eyed beauties approached me and presented me a question I had never been asked…but boy, did it get me thinking.

Why is it that you are so beautiful and all the boys in our school listened to you and were so respectful of you when you were talking, they were calm and kind, no one made rude comments  but to us they are always disrespectful and sometimes just mean?

And immediately, just like that, in a split second I was thrust back to middle school myself, there is a reason I talk to this age group and this was it. Suddenly my life advice could mean something. So I sat up straight and launched into my brief but hopefully lasting rant.

I was treated the same way, most girls in middle school are! Is it right? No. Is it OK? No. Is it part of everyone growing up and learning to build friendships and relationship? YES. Is it likely a boys way of getting a girls attention? 100% YES… but do you have to accept rudeness and mockery and cruelty? NO.NEVER.NOT EVEN ONE TIME!

So I told the girls to stand-tall, be strong and never let a boys words or actions get the best of them. I explained how even though it is easy to cry, to be cruel back or to simply go and tell on a someone for being disrespectful, the best course of action you can take is to not allow it in your life. Like all things hurtful or mean, the effect of the action is only meaningful if it elicits a response that the tormentor was seeking. I shared the story of being booed once at a pep assembly by a large group of nasty boys because I had recently broken up with one of their friends. I felt like running from the gymnasium but I didn’t, I did my part with a smile on my face and simply kept going. Once a boy was a jerk to me and I didn’t speak to him for a good three years, until he grew out of this unfortunate-jerky-phase. That is not a scientific phase of puberty but I believe it exists. He came around and later apologized for all the mistreatment when we were younger.

It is hard advice…not allowing your feelings to be hurt is a nearly impossible task, but choosing to not allow someone the satisfaction of slowly beating down your self-confidence is a necessity, in middle school and well beyond.

I told them that being that strong brings with it a new set of challenges. People will call you cold, snotty and much worse. People, especially mean ones hate to be ignored. But in the end the right people (and in the case of dating, the right boy) will rise to the surface. When you are older and have gone through all of the growing pains, those boys will start to respect your strength, your conviction and your independence. They are the people you will want in your life.

Dream Big,

Skylar

 

Just Life: Advice to Freshman-self

Going into college you’re given a lot of advice from those that love you and those that have, as they say, “been there, done that”. Each tip will help you through your college years whether that’s from the first day on campus or your last final as a senior, however there really is no way to fully prepare someone for this new chapter in life. Looking back, there are some things I would like to tell my freshman-self as well as each first-year college student as they begin this wild new ride.

Don’t be afraid to fail.

Nobody is perfect and with all of the newness that surrounds you, it’s okay to fail. The exams are harder, the classes are different, and it takes some time to get into your groove when it comes to study habits. That first midterm exam may be your first taste of failure (it was for me), but I promise you will recover and laugh about it later.

Don’t let anyone guilt you about this ‘failure’ you will know exactly how hard you worked or how hard you didn’t, own it, accept it and move on!

Work hard.

Although it takes time to find what study habits will work for you, work hard to find those habits. Go to the library, your dorm room, try studying alone or with a buddy. But find your groove before it’s too late.

Don’t be too proud to ask if you are struggling, study groups, tutors, academic skills centers…these are part of your tuition, use them!

Have fun.

Studying is important, yes, it’s why you’re at school in the first place. But your world has room for fun. One of my fondest memories of my freshman year is a concert my roommate and I went to on a Wednesday, even though we both had really early Thursday mornings. Make time for school, but make time for memories.

Pack light.

Those of you that know me, know that I have every drawer exploding with clothes (I’m a hoarder). If college dorm rooms taught me anything it’s that you do not need to bring every cute sundress you have, you WILL be wearing leggings and a sweatshirt 4/5 days to class. It’s the comfortable reality of the matter.

Branch out.

College is the chance to find yourself and where you fit into this world. Use your freshman year to explore. Take classes that sound interesting, talk to people not in your “circle”, join a student org. This is your chance to set the stepping stones for your future, you literally have the freedom to lay those stones in any direction…cool!

Socialize.

Get to know at least one other person on your floor really well, this isn’t about escaping your roommate, it is about where you turn when you are wrapped in a towel and locked out.

Find ‘your people’ chances are you will meet them through a friend of a friend and once you discover each other and embark on one or two adventures, you will just know. They are your new home.

Keep yourself healthy.

Ahh Ian’s Pizza…you are my weakness. But for real, college is full of some yummy foods which are okay on occasion, but watch your habits. It’s extremely easy to fall out of your everyday workout routine, especially after a long day of classes but make time to keep your body healthy, you’ll be thankful for that down the road.

Health is more than physical.

As I’ve said, college is full of changes. It can be difficult to adapt and become completely comfortable with all of the new things around you. As important as it is to stay physically healthy it is important to make sure you are also working on your mental health. Don’t study too hard or put too many pressures on yourself, it’s okay to take a Netflix day when you need it. Or to call your parents to just to give them your ups and downs.

CALL YOUR PARENTS.

Not just for them, but for you too. Step out of your comfort zone and explore your independence, but also remember who stuck by you for 18 years to get you to this awesome new place in life. They will love it, and hearing my mom and dad’s voice on the other end of the phone will always leave me with a full heart.

Be smart.

Don’t walk alone at night or be too trusting. College isn’t scary as long as you are being smart and being safe. The buddy system is a good idea for both 2nd graders and 2nd year college students.

Indulge.

Staying healthy is great, but sometimes you just need a big old burger from the Nitty Gritty. Do it. Sometimes a bad day can be solved with a new pair of shoes. Don’t forget to give yourself a break.

There is so much more I want to share, but this is just a start. To all of the college freshman who have been moving in this week…enjoy it. It goes by so fast, that dorm room may seem too small to even move, but you’ll miss those nights eating Toppers on the floor with your roommate. Explore your campus and all it has to offer. And remember this new chapter is about YOU, make it a great one.

 

Dream Big, Skylar

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Model Life: Building your Network

Finding a foot in the door in this industry is hard, networking takes time, energy and the ability to handle a lot of rejection. But one thing I have learned is you have to make your success your own and you can not ride anyone else’s coat tails. So if you want to become a model, you need to quickly learn the difference between good connections, bad connections and overstepping your bounds.

This is a ‘sticky wicket’ as they say. When I started the first photographers I found and connected with came via several friends whose photos impressed me, and that is what I told the photographers when I reached out via email or Facebook. I  simply said, I have seen so&so’s pictures and I love your work, perhaps we could work together sometime. Sometimes I just loved their work and knew absolutely no one they worked with.  I then invited them to become my friend on Facebook so they could see what I brought to the mutual table. Some said they would love to work with me, others gave me a price they would be willing to work with me for and some didn’t return my message.

In turn when people reach out to me seeking advice or want to work with me I try to be both kind and helpful.  This isn’t a hobby for me it is a job. A great piece of advice I got early on is that you have to know where you fall on the scale. Are you a novice, inexperienced model or professional model who has appeared in several publications and done commercial or paid work? At this point I consider myself a professional working model, I expect to be paid for my time, however I am again a realist… I am not Lily Aldridge or Elsa Hosk. I also am not available all-day every-day, I do this on a part-time basis. I have a strong portfolio and a resume which includes national campaigns.  I take that all into account when someone reaches out to me.

As far as helping aspiring models, well it is why I started this blog, I couldn’t keep up with the messages. I used to get a few messages a month, now I get several messages daily and they come from aspiring models all over the world, which I am both honored and overwhelmed by.  I wish I knew more. I wish I could help everyone.  But as I have shared a million times over there is no secret here, you have to put in the work and you have to make the connections no one can ‘help’ you, simply give advice, that is what I do.

I am more than happy to connect people when I personally know them and their work. I get asked by designers and photographers if I know any other good models and I will gladly spread the love. Or at the very least tell them to go check out someones website, Facebook or Instagram, the rest is up to them. One of my greatest experiences in this industry came from someone helping me in the opposite direction. Cali Rae,  who is now a signed model met me at a fashion show and passed my name along to a photographer she worked with who was building his portfolio,  I have now done several great shoots with him. Our friendship and connection is just the type of networking that helps get models to new levels. In turn when I am contacted by a photographer or designer looking, I am always willing to pass along the names of models they should contact. I have made direct connections between people and believe in helping others grow.

Here is where people often overstep their bounds and it is hard to swallow as someone who worked hard to build a career. Don’t call, DM or message a photographer, a client who has paid me to represent them or my agent and tell them you are ‘friends’ with Skylar Witte and ask for something, especially for free. I think every working model or actor would agree, this is one of those crazy things that happens often.  Unless I made that connection directly you are likely to tick off several people in the chain. Great photographers cost money and sometimes they shoot for free but if they aren’t OK with TFP work using my name only looks bad for me and for you. My agent just put a very clear message to those represented stating if someone name drops by messaging, emailing or calling her personal cell phone she will not sign them, regardless of how talented they are, also I would risk being dropped because I gave out her personal information, and I really, really like my agent.   This does not constitute as networking, as a matter of fact it will likely ruin your chances as a model or actor.

Relationships are built on honesty, trust and kindness. Starting off by saying you were sent by someone when you were not or asking for free work can and most likely will upset all parties involved.  In turn, if I act as a reference or connection for you please do not destroy a relationship I helped you to build. This includes not responding to a message from someone you asked me to connect you with, not following their directions or call sheet information, rescheduling, cancelling on them or simply standing them up for a shoot.  They probably won’t want to work with you again and I will not refer you again.

Although this is my first ‘professional’ life experience I would hope this goes the same for any career choice I should make. Much like everything in the world even in the entertainment and modeling industry it is a small circle. Photographers, agents, scouts, designers and other models will quickly identify friend and foe. Reputations can be built and destroyed easily.  I am proud of the relationships I have with others in my market, it is a snowball that keeps connecting me and it is what keeps opportunities coming my way.

Also I am not shy at all about asking for help and advice myself. Before I signed with my acting agency I sent several of their signed actors a quick message asking about their experience. Some of us now follow each others budding careers even though we are thousands of miles apart. I have a whole network of amazing people whose hands I have yet to shake, but to me that is the best part of this industry.  I also was contacted by a New York modeling agency recently and reached out to several girls in my network who were signed with them or I saw had a connection to them.  These quick checks have been lifesavers to me, it’s also how I avoid creeps which will actually be my next post.

So read this blog, comment and ask me questions. If you are in my neighborhood and want to chat over coffee, let’s do it! I won’t tell you anything I won’t write about on this blog. There is no SECRET…seriously this is a job and like all jobs you have to build experience, network and grow day-by-day until you get to the next level. The unfortunate part of this job is it is based on your genetic make-up  and subjectivity, so success is based on several things you can’t control. If you are gorgeous like Ms. Cali Rae then you are a lucky one. But taking advantage of your relationship with others will not bring you success, you will lose opportunities and more importantly lose friends.

Dream Big, Skylar

 

 

Just Life: Mean Girls and Middle School

If I could go back and share secrets with my middle school and high school self it would be this simple piece of advice: Don’t worry it all shakes out in the end. 

When I think about the amount of time I spent worrying about what others thought about me, were saying about me and their overall opinions of me, it makes me both sad and angry. Not at those people but primarily at Skylar Witte. What a waste of valuable and precious time! My mother must have told me a million times over a tear-filled pillow that those mean girls who made fun of my squinty eyes or gummy smile didn’t matter and that they were likely jealous or self-conscious about their own lives and their own smiles.  I guess becoming an adult is accepting that my mother was right.

The same holds true for the boys who rejected me, made fun of me on the playground and were overall jerks. I have made amends with those boys and come to realize their motives were often the opposite of what I thought. Boys tend to get a girls attention in the most ridiculous ways possible. Again this discussion was had in my household a million times and I never accepted it until now.

I am now dating the boy who made my life complicated (and sometimes tear-filled) back before either of us knew any better, when we reminisce now we can’t help but laugh. Those early years make for the best stories and even though it was painful at the time it was part of the growing-up process and honestly at least for us, it is the reason we are who we are and we are perfect for each other. It’s like all of that struggle in our relationship made us the two strong individuals we are and we really were just creating our ideal without even realizing it at the time. We had to grow up to realize we made each other crazy because we are so similar.

But the same isn’t necessarily true for those mean girls. I have found that sometimes those mean girls just grow up to be mean women. They still talk behind your back, they are still self-conscious of their own shortcomings and rather than work on improving themselves they find some sort of joy in identifying others flaws. I don’t understand these women. Really I don’t. Instead of crying in my pillow I chose a different path and just don’t associate with these types of people. It is hard. Like everyone, I have gotten caught in the trap and talked poorly about others, but it never made me feel any differently about myself, actually it made me feel awful.  Looking back cutting ties with mean girls is something I will never regret.  I just can’t do it. There is no joy in causing others pain, pure and simple.

I have to believe as we all get older we find those who are most like us and they make-up our circle. I think women who are filled with negativity find others like them and ultimately in the end they will all turn on each other.  Women who are filled with kindness and joy build a stronger more lasting circle.

I will admit it, right now my circle is small but it is filled with the best people I know and I am finding my way with the right kind of friendship and a great support network. My favorite girls are those who find the beauty in others and loudly express it, and they don’t wait until she turns around to say something snarky, they mean it.My roommate and I tell each other how beautiful and amazing the other is several times a day, I am not joking we tell each other we are cute so often sometimes we laugh at ourselves. (I mean have you seen her she is stunning)

A small part of me still wants to call out every single mean girl who ever did me wrong and tell them my gummy smile and expressive ‘smiling’ eyes are the key to all the great things that have been happening to me, but it won’t matter they will still find a reason to hate, they will still find a reason to be jealous and they likely won’t change their catty ways.

A simple message I have come to take to heart these days was a virtue of my late Nana, that she passed on to my mom and I hope to pass on to my children someday; ALWAYS TAKE THE HIGH ROAD. No good comes of talking poorly about those who talk poorly of you. So instead I will just have to live with the reality that I’m living a pretty dynamite life with some really awesome, kind and caring people and eventually those mean girls and their evil circle will come back and bite them in the butt. It always does.

So if I could go back I would tell that awkward 13-year-old girl, don’t worry it shakes out in the end. Eventually you get the friends, the boy and the life you dreamed of, so don’t cry over people who will someday become irrelevant, they will have to fight their own battles and most of them won’t be pleasant. Take pity on their ways because people who work so hard day in and day out to bring others down have a truly miserable existence. When your mamma says, “Be the bigger person!” believe her because she knows.

Dream Big, Skylar

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